sinking?

When I was really sick, my spleen filled with blood and sank below my rib cages. It had a strange, vulnerable feeling. It felt heavy and often had a sharp pain if I moved wrong.

Today I think my heart may feel the same way. Heavy, with sharp pains, and slightly vulnerable. I'm really not sure what may be causing this. There are no new love interests, not even new people in my life, and I cant even decide if the feeling is good or bad.

I feel sad in a very unsad way. Its more of a nervous sense of failure in how my life is going. But its not all sad. It is a very uncertain frustrated feeling, that is making my heart hurt.

I'm pretty sure most of it is because of family. Ive told some people about my current situation, and i would rather not broadcast it on the internet, so if your interested ill explain, but be prepared for possible tears. Anyways, i told myself if it ever happened again, I would walk out the door and probably never come back for quite a long time. In thinking about it, the only places I could go, based on my financial situation would be my friend in Indiana, who always tells me that i am more than welcome there, or possibly a relative in Ohio. I dont want to leave, but I honestly cant stay here. Whats sad is the fact that I already have a bag packed with necessities and enough money for a plane ticket.

As a way to hopefully avoid another family crisis type I have been busying myself with work, school, polo, and friends etc. But its strange because I am FORCING myself into all of this. If I had a choice I would probably just lay in bed all day, attempting to sleep my life away. But I know thats unhealthy and I am really trying to keep some shred of sanity.

I'm not quite sure what brought on this post. It could be the psychology homework that i missed, making it almost more than likely that i will not recieve a passing grade in the course, or the fact that i am so miserably lonely and i see that i am lonely and do nothing to fix it. nothing.